Thoughts to Ponder are my musings regarding community, things of the Spirit, and living as a Christ-follower. I don't offer the words of a professional or an expert; just a fellow traveler and explorer. Please don't take my musings more serious than I do. I've discovered a long time ago that I do not hold the keys of knowledge or wisdom. If I did, I misplaced them somewhere...typical.

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Feeding Tube Again

I'm having a hard time right now. Dad was put on a feeding tube again. For some reason he is aspirating when trying to drink liquids. (However, he was doing fine with solids). They may have to put a "peg" in and feed him directly from his side.

He is getting clearer, but he is still confused. I am told a lot has to do with 16 days in an ICU. However, I'm also hearing "his age is against him." The case worker is asking about 24 hour care following rehabilitation--using words like: "He may never be able to be on his own or be without 24 hour care."

While the reality is there--and I know I'm dealing with some issues of denial--I'm having a hard time with it.

He speaks much more clearly. But that seems to accentuate his confusion to me.

Today was not a good day for me.

I know we have to face these things, but I'm not ready for him to be like this. Sixteen days ago he was vibrant and completely in charge of his mental faculties. Now, I'm not so certain. I feel I could have accepted it more easily if this came on him gradually.

Please pray that his mental confusion is temporary and that he clears up quickly. Pray also the peg will be unnecessary and that he can get the feeding tube out and get to functioning on his own. Pray for three brothers. Pray we will be able to work together. Pray our discussions will be moot--that dad will become clear again and can make his own decisions--or at least can give his input.

Pray for Terri. She is as torn up about this as I am--perhaps even more. He is as much a father to her as he is to me.

Thank all of you for your support, prayers, and many expressions of love. I could not make it without God's work through you.


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